tmi

I have the worst gas today and am blowing the most heinous farts. I was in the embalming room getting a body dressed for a funeral this morning and the office manager kept coming in and was like “god something stinks in here and I can’t figure out where it’s coming from” and I’m just like “yeah idk”

Hey funeral daddy, have you ever heard the saying a clever crow will always paint it's feather black?
Anonymous

no

ugh now i feel really dumb setting up those five mirrors when i could have just gotten that angle from the back seat…

ugh now i feel really dumb setting up those five mirrors when i could have just gotten that angle from the back seat…

did i ever tell you about my beautiful and perfect new car

did i ever tell you about my beautiful and perfect new car

You look about ready to get your freak on in this picture. I just about had a morgasm when I saw this. What are you tryin' to do to me mister? Don't you know the freaks come out at night?
Anonymous

no rigor mortis joke? 6/10

Hi funeral sauce guy. How can I meet morticians. I really wanna date you guys but I don't know how. I'm a housekeeper at the hospital but I can't just wait by the morgue all day for you to show up. Help! I'm 45 I don't want to wait 'til I'm dead.
Anonymous

😪

Have you ever read The American Way Of Death by Jessica Mitford?
Anonymous

I have, and it’s an enjoyable book and I think it served its purpose well in its time. however, it’s still a standard that mortuary schools point to that maybe isn’t so accurate anymore. I should do a whole post on it one day.

I saw on one of your answers that you enjoy the pet cremation part of your job. What do you enjoy about it? Is it ever hard? I can't help it, but I usually get more upset about seeing dead animals than dead humans.
Anonymous

yeah, I agree, dead animals are more upsetting to me for some reason. they just look so pathetic and helpless. their tongues are always lolling out and they have sad little poops.

not to say people don’t.

but I don’t know; it’s just different somehow. but I also feel closer to most animals and only really care for a few people, and have a hard time being around anyone I don’t know.

but in terms of enjoyment between cremating humans and animals, it’s probably about the same. it’s still interesting work to me, which is maybe a better word than “enjoyable”, because it is difficult, although the physical aspect of it does feel good most days. it’s far less paperwork and i-dotting and t-crossing than when I worked in funerals. transforming the dead to bone and dust is a much more visceral experience than the bureaucracy and decorum of funeral work.

look at this world we live in

look at this world we live in

in the tub listening to disintegration because let’s be real there was a time in my life many years ago when I wore two fake eyelashes on one eye like in clockwork orange. ask me questions and help me chill out on a sunday.

dead-men-talking:

The last two nights were Members’ Night at the Field Museum of Natural History in Chicago!  Here I am demonstrating the virtual unwrapping of a mummy from Ptolemaic Egypt.  I also got to see Emily Grasile (@thebrainscoop) chatting about a two-faced calf skull, scoped out the dissection of a mountain lion, badger, and beaver, saw the dermestid beetles going to town on bird carcasses, and petted some stuffed birds.  Every corner of the museum was open.  I’m exhausted but I can’t wait for the next one!

dead-men-talking:

The last two nights were Members’ Night at the Field Museum of Natural History in Chicago!  Here I am demonstrating the virtual unwrapping of a mummy from Ptolemaic Egypt.  I also got to see Emily Grasile (@thebrainscoop) chatting about a two-faced calf skull, scoped out the dissection of a mountain lion, badger, and beaver, saw the dermestid beetles going to town on bird carcasses, and petted some stuffed birds.  Every corner of the museum was open.  I’m exhausted but I can’t wait for the next one!

things i want to change in my life

1. make time for breakfast always
2. buy 10 sets of the same outfit and wear the same thing every day
3. stop narrating my life under my breath in a liberace impression

how much do horses weigh

so close

so close

funeralicious:

"Coffin Table"….Vintage coffin cart recycled in boutique hotel office.

!

funeralicious:

"Coffin Table"….Vintage coffin cart recycled in boutique hotel office.

!