funeralsauce:

blaaargh:

funeralsauce:

yeahiwasintheshit:

because funeralsauce is doing it. duh

😎

When my mom died I couldn’t handle burying her in any of the urns the funeral home had (the nicest one was a brushed gold box that looked like a hard-drive / or some piece of future tech, but it was seriously not my mom’s eternal symbolic resting place) I went to pretty much every high-end china and urn-type store and horrified all the sales ladies with my requests. I was a little shocked that it wasn’t something you could more easily (or more gracefully) do. One lady suggested that i really had to order those things weeks in advance, and I reminded her that i didn’t really have much notice. Anyway…she nearly lept out of her skin and died on the spot herself, so it was sort of funny :P Eventually I found a really beautiful and understated urn by a Canadian artist that was sort of just perfect. Very weirdly traumatic aesthetic experience. It kicked off a flurry of urn/vessel buying by my friends though. Everyone got it in their head that they really needed an urn in case they ever died and their families buried them in something like a ghastly cookie jar. My bestfriend at the time settled on a cut crystal urn that I think he still has (maybe its purpose is obscured now). 
I’m not sure what I decided on…probably something crystal too, but it was too morbid and horrible to do anything about. I really, really don’t want to die. You know?

I wrote a long response to this, then the mobile app crashed and I lost it. then I wrote a second one that was nearly as long, and for whatever reason, it didn’t post (probably because the mobile app is horrible). I’m so distraught. I hope it appears. but if it doesn’t, I’ll write it up AGAIN this evening, but I just can’t right now!


oh nevermind. I just had to pull into the mcdonald’s to type this up. it’s driving me crazy. I didn’t remember all of my initial post the second time I tried to post this, and I’m not gonna remember what I wanted to say the second time either, so maybe this third time is gonna be kind of jumbled, but that’s the quality we’ve come to expect from my blog I guess.

ugh.

it’s kind of sad that most funeral homes are more concerned with selling from their extremely limited urn selection than encouraging you to go out and find something that would have been a real tribute (SUCH a tired word in this industry, but I’m so agitated at having to write all this again that I don’t care).

the funeral home that I used to work for pretty much only sold the square marble urns, a couple vase-type ones, and a couple of the polished wood chest-type ones (which I actually think are pretty nice). the place I work at now has an even more limited selection, including the brushed bronze “hard drive” you talked about, which is a comparison I’m never going to get out of my head.

there’s a general rule in funeral service (at least around here) that caskets and urns retail for 200% percent from wholesale, which is a crazy amount to pay for something that most people just settle on from a small selection. it’s like picking the best thing to eat from plain white rice, a saltine cracker, or a small twig.

so I always encourage people to find something that they really like, even if it isn’t even something that isn’t explicitly made to hold ashes. I tell people that if it can hold a large bag of sand that would fit in maybe two large spread hands, it would probably work. that’s a REALLY weird way to describe it, but I usually give this spiel in person and can demonstrate. that, and no one really has any reference point when you ask them to get something in the range of 175-225 cubic inches.

I love the story about everyone rushing out to find urns for themselves. I can relate. I don’t know what I want yet for myself, and hopefully I have a lot more time to get something. I do have space at a mausoleum purchased for myself, though, and it’s a glass-fronted niche in a wall, so the urn will be visible at all times. so it’s gotta be something that’s a real knock-out!

I think ill do a post about some of my favorite urns I’ve seen, and maybe take some photos at some stores of things that could be used as urns that you might not think of, so look for that sometime soon.

blaaargh can you send me the link (if there is one) to the canadian artist who did your mom’s urn? i’d love see the work!

funeralsauce:

blaaargh:

funeralsauce:

yeahiwasintheshit:

because funeralsauce is doing it. duh

😎

When my mom died I couldn’t handle burying her in any of the urns the funeral home had (the nicest one was a brushed gold box that looked like a hard-drive / or some piece of future tech, but it was seriously not my mom’s eternal symbolic resting place) I went to pretty much every high-end china and urn-type store and horrified all the sales ladies with my requests. I was a little shocked that it wasn’t something you could more easily (or more gracefully) do. One lady suggested that i really had to order those things weeks in advance, and I reminded her that i didn’t really have much notice. Anyway…she nearly lept out of her skin and died on the spot herself, so it was sort of funny :P Eventually I found a really beautiful and understated urn by a Canadian artist that was sort of just perfect. Very weirdly traumatic aesthetic experience. It kicked off a flurry of urn/vessel buying by my friends though. Everyone got it in their head that they really needed an urn in case they ever died and their families buried them in something like a ghastly cookie jar. My bestfriend at the time settled on a cut crystal urn that I think he still has (maybe its purpose is obscured now). 

I’m not sure what I decided on…probably something crystal too, but it was too morbid and horrible to do anything about. I really, really don’t want to die. You know?

I wrote a long response to this, then the mobile app crashed and I lost it. then I wrote a second one that was nearly as long, and for whatever reason, it didn’t post (probably because the mobile app is horrible). I’m so distraught. I hope it appears. but if it doesn’t, I’ll write it up AGAIN this evening, but I just can’t right now!

oh nevermind. I just had to pull into the mcdonald’s to type this up. it’s driving me crazy. I didn’t remember all of my initial post the second time I tried to post this, and I’m not gonna remember what I wanted to say the second time either, so maybe this third time is gonna be kind of jumbled, but that’s the quality we’ve come to expect from my blog I guess.

ugh.

it’s kind of sad that most funeral homes are more concerned with selling from their extremely limited urn selection than encouraging you to go out and find something that would have been a real tribute (SUCH a tired word in this industry, but I’m so agitated at having to write all this again that I don’t care).

the funeral home that I used to work for pretty much only sold the square marble urns, a couple vase-type ones, and a couple of the polished wood chest-type ones (which I actually think are pretty nice). the place I work at now has an even more limited selection, including the brushed bronze “hard drive” you talked about, which is a comparison I’m never going to get out of my head.

there’s a general rule in funeral service (at least around here) that caskets and urns retail for 200% percent from wholesale, which is a crazy amount to pay for something that most people just settle on from a small selection. it’s like picking the best thing to eat from plain white rice, a saltine cracker, or a small twig.

so I always encourage people to find something that they really like, even if it isn’t even something that isn’t explicitly made to hold ashes. I tell people that if it can hold a large bag of sand that would fit in maybe two large spread hands, it would probably work. that’s a REALLY weird way to describe it, but I usually give this spiel in person and can demonstrate. that, and no one really has any reference point when you ask them to get something in the range of 175-225 cubic inches.

I love the story about everyone rushing out to find urns for themselves. I can relate. I don’t know what I want yet for myself, and hopefully I have a lot more time to get something. I do have space at a mausoleum purchased for myself, though, and it’s a glass-fronted niche in a wall, so the urn will be visible at all times. so it’s gotta be something that’s a real knock-out!

I think ill do a post about some of my favorite urns I’ve seen, and maybe take some photos at some stores of things that could be used as urns that you might not think of, so look for that sometime soon.

blaaargh can you send me the link (if there is one) to the canadian artist who did your mom’s urn? i’d love see the work!

malformalady:

Photo credit: Tim Green

malformalady:

Photo credit: Tim Green

get lucky still a jam tho

industry people:

someone came down to the crematory today and signed some papers for me with “, LFD” after their name, which I assume stands for “licensed funeral director”. is this something you have ever seen and do you think it’s a little weird?

deformutilated:

Fudge recipe on a headstone

deformutilated:

Fudge recipe on a headstone

hey so i finally tagged all my asks with “asks”…so funeralsauce.tumblr.com/tagged/asks is all the asks since the start of this blog.

i’ve answered some crazy shit for you a-holes over the years.

there’s this guy that I make deliveries to at work, and he has these arthritic hands and can write only very slowly. he was telling me that he meant to call and say when he was back in his office today, but forgot, and he said “can’t write, can’t remember anything…don’t get old!” and I said “well, don’t worry about it—it’s only monday” and I have no idea what I meant by that.

wafflesinmyvcr:

It’s my bestest doodle friend funeralsauce !

rare photo of me

wafflesinmyvcr:

It’s my bestest doodle friend funeralsauce !

rare photo of me

Hullo! I was wondering if you could possibly give any advice on getting a job as a crematory tech/in a funeral home? Like things they look for, what looks good on a resume, ect. I'm in need of a job change, and I'd love to get into the field, preferably without schooling. Thank you kindly!

that’s so hard to answer. I’ve never even written a resume in my life and wouldn’t know where to start! I’m completely unprepared for the adult world, but I limp along in it anyway.

as for general advice on schooling, how to find a job, etc, browse back on this blog and you’ll run into it soon, then later, then soon again, and later, and later, and later, and pretty much once a month or so for the last few years. lots of advice!!

almost 20 years later and I still think SHAGUAR! every time I see a Jaguar