that’s what this kid keeps yelling at this visitation and I’m not sure how much longer I can take it. and I’m working it alone with this lady that I can’t stand…like I just wanna sit down and play peggle and grunt at people. so not into this today.

also if this other kid pokes his head in the office one more time I’m gonna pop him in the face.

just not into this tonight at all, or in general at present. although I’ve always hated working visitation. but I’m kinda in the mood to just start completely over or something and invent a whole new history and personality. maybe I’ll just shave my head and call it a day.

anyways, here’s what we’re really here for:

the other night, I got called out for a nursing home removal around 3:00 in the morning to a place that I’m not a big fan of going to. I got there and banged the shit out of their door and my shins trying to get the cot in because they had two sets of doors that were positioned at a distance that created a tiny mud room that was smaller than my cot, and the second door opened into the entry way, making it extremely difficult to get the cot in. it’s a common set up, but these places usually have a handicap button to open the doors automatically, or the night nurse or security guard usually has the common courtesy to grab one of the doors. such was not the case.

anyways, after that whole ORDEAL, they showed me to the room and just stood outside, which is fairly common. I went in and saw that there were two guys in the room…one guy who looked dead on a BED MADE OUT OF PVC PIPES ON THE GROUND, and another guy in a regular bed with a sheet covering his face.

now, it’s really common for old people to look really dead when they’re asleep. I’ve seen it a ton of times at nursing homes, and I think I told the story one time of how I started to move somebody off of a bed who was just asleep and started coughing when I did, but didn’t even wake up. if I didn’t tell that story, there it is in a nutshell.

anyways, I stared at both, and neither one looked like they were breathing.

so who would you go for?

I’m sorry but the right answer is the guy with the sheet over his head.*

so I started moving all of his shit out of the way…tray, chairs, dresser, etc, then I sidled my cot up to his bed, lowered it to the same level, then touched his shoulder and HE REACHED UP AND PULLED THE SHEET OFF HIS FACE

“omg I’m so sorry”
“that’s okay just move my tray back”

so then the nurses hear me and I go out and they’re like “can you see?” and they turn the light on, and I tell them what happened, and they’re like, “ohhh yeah, he do that all the time!”

wtf!!!!

so then I got the guy on the crazy PVC pipe bed (still not sure what that was about) who was actually very dead and went home

*(the actual correct answer is to just ask the three nurses outside the room who the dead person is, but that wouldn’t have made for a good story, would it? have to take a chance and find out what’s behind the curtain sometimes. or, rather, the bed sheet.)

it’s my birthday so i bought some crystal head vodka (which i hear isn’t very good, but the bottle is cool as hell) and will be enjoying a night in with friends and lots of horror until the sun is up

AND TO ME!!!!

it was at a local decorative arts store. most of the things in there are made by local artists, or imported from artists from across the country. the bottom of the casket says “roost” and that’s all I know about it. I wish I knew more because I’m totally in love with it still.

I’m usually not one to judge when it comes to funeral attire because things are a lot different than they used to be, but sorry, I’m raising an eyebrow at your orange “psych ward” hoodie.

adorable tin tea light cemetery i bought the other day. have been looking for halloween decorations that won’t look too gaudy in my apartment, and this was perfect.

real updates coming soon…big changes at the funeral home. have some stories in the chamber.

thanks bby. yeah, any kind of experience anywhere helps, especially if it’s in dealing with the public.

here are a few posts on industry jobs:

http://funeralsauce.tumblr.com/post/23977856973/this-is-a-weird-question-and-im-not-asking-in

http://funeralsauce.tumblr.com/post/18538488530/hey-ive-been-considering-careers-and-one-that-keeps

http://funeralsauce.tumblr.com/post/13526442114/i-want-to-work-at-a-funeral-home-but-i-dont-know-what

real updates coming soon….

cool bottle stopper from this year’s halloween line at target (which is really great again this year…wasn’t thrilled about last year).

there’s also a cute owl, a really big cartoonier skull (I think?), and maybe another? but this one’s the best.

HOW MUCH FUN WOULD IT BE TO KNOCK ALL THESE OFF

and the ice cream man just drove by outside, and it was just really weird seeing everyone standing and sitting around depressed and quiet with the ice cream man music playing in the background…

blaaargh:

Authorities are investigating after finding human brains, hearts and lungs of more than 100 people in a Florida storage unit they say belonged to a former medical examiner.

Someone bought the unit at auction last week and noticed a foul smell as they sifted through furniture and boxes.

Officials at the medical examiner’s office in Pensacola say the remains were found crudely stored in Tupperware containers, garbage bags and drink cups. Many remains were not identified.

Pensacola medical examiner director Jeff Martin said the unit belonged to Dr. Michael Berkland. Berkland worked at the office from 1997 until 2003, when he was fired for not completing autopsy reports.

okay

choking need it where is it how do I get it someone find it for me

wafflesinmyvcr has the same blank expression when he’s farting in the corner that a cat has when it’s pooping in the litter box